* Our sports-mad head was taking assembly and mentioned England's early exit from Euro 2000. Everyone in the hall looked completely dejected. Suddenly five-year-old Sol shouted out: "It's only men playing football."
* During a lesson which included discussion of the murder of Thomas a Becket in Canterbury cathedral, Year 7 pupils were asked o recall the name of the author of The Canterbury Tales.
An eager boy rasied his hand: "Jeffrey Archer."
* Physics teacher: "If Barbie was scaled up to human size she would overbalance because the upper half of her body would be too heavy for the lower."
Year 9 pupil: "But wouldn't she just bounce back up again?"