* My wife was collecting our six-year-old son from school when his teacher sidled up to her. She said that she had asked if anyone wanted to tell the class what they liked doing at home. Our son had immediately put up his hand. "And what do you like doing?" she asked.
"Buggering about," came the reply.
* The son of my friend Sue was telling her about their net assignment in English. They were to study a play by Shakespeare.
"Which one?" asked Sue.
"It was something like A Man."
"Are you sure?"
"No, you're right. It wasn't a man, it was A Fellow."
* A Year 4 boy had been absent. His mother's note read: "Sorry Johnny has been away but he had the mumps in his privets."