Monday I've traded my workshop coat for some garish chef's trousers that have psychedelic patterns of primary and secondary colours. My ego is boosted by a couple of Year 9 students who pronounce: "Lush trousers, Sir."
So, I look the part, but can I really teach food technology? My HoD mentions that the head is more than a little concerned that I might take a year assembly in the "lush" trousers.
TUESDAY Year 7 and apple crumbles. I start to sink without trace. One lad has brought a biscuit tin to cook his crumble in and another a nice plastic container, while Joe has a pile of ceramic shards in the bottom of his bag.
During the plenary session I ask what method we used to make the crumble.
John eagerly shouts out: "The fingering method, Sir." We must revisit the "rubbing in method".
WEDNESDAY Blenders are unbelievably messy when used without their tops.
Clearing up is a nightmare; you can't bung it all in a cupboard until next week. And I'm amazed at the number of bubbles you can get in a washing up bowl and sink - you could lose a small Year 7 in there. I wonder if there's a risk assessment for that?
THURSDAY As I see Year 10 into assembly, a couple of girls come up to me and say: "You haven't got your trousers on today, Sir." I know what they mean, but what might others think? A quick change, and muffins with Year 8.
Allowing them to bring in their own flavourings was not a good idea - Smarties and a tin of carrots is challenging. Kelly insists on putting the mixture in the cases with her fingers, while Ian doesn't understand why he needs the oven on.
FRIDAY Despite the calamities of the week, the pupils have enjoyed themselves and parents haven't complained that I've poisoned their offspring or their pets. Peter was a bit worried when he broke his mum's blender while making a smoothie at home. It had vibrated off the worktop, he smiles. "She has another, so I put it in the dustbin."
David Shiret David Shiret teaches technology at Fakenham high school, Norfolk