Want to know a secret?

28th October 2005 at 01:00
I knew I'd become a teacher when... I realised that there wasn't a great deal else I could do with an English degree that would pay off my student loan.

My school is... nothing like it is on open evening. One day someone's going to let the cat out of the bag.

I'm not looking forward to... finding out that my value added is a negative figure.

In five years' time I'd like to be... able to say that you can lead a horse to water and make it drink.

If I had the guts I'd tell the head that... teaching five sixth form lessons a year doesn't make you a teacher and that the kids aren't the slightest bit respectful of you because most of them can't see you up there on your pedestal.

My worst work nightmare is... Ofsted, or Year 10 last period on a Friday.

You know it's doomed, your kids know you're doomed, even Ofsted know it's doomed.

Senior management don't know it but... there are only so many trees we can cut down to make paper for their constant and unnecessary communications.

Is that really why they need so many non-contact periods?

My favourite bit of the week is... Monday morning: it's the calm before the storm; the only time when you still feel optimistic that you will plan lessons using a variety of learning styles and believe that you can do differentiation.

I hate teachers who... make TV programmes. Swearing, and here's the tricky bit, while playing the guitar, does not constitute teaching. Clearly, when three children have been expelled (by week two) the premise that they are not unteachable (if only we'd do our jobs properly) falls down.

The weekend is for... feeling guilty that on Friday night you didn't mark two sets of coursework and had the audacity to have some "me" time. You know you're doing your job properly when the work-life balance has equilibrium, because all you do is work.

pound;50 paid for your true confessions. Share your secrets by sending an e-mail (in the strictest confidence) to dorothy.lepkowska@tes.co.uk

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