1 International trade in caviar has been suspended to protect sturgeon stocks. What do the fish say?
a I always wanted a big family
b What am I going to do with all these little jars?
c Just don't mention birthday presents
d I've got to get to work on an egg
2 The latest electric kettles contribute to global warming. Where will this end?
a Tea will become more expensive than caviar
b The Mafia will muscle in on the hot-water-bottle market
c Charles Kennedy will have to give up soft drinks
d The Government will pull the plug on them
3 A new board game has appeared based on the Buddhist wheel of life, complete with heaven and hell. Who wants it?
b Liberal Democrats
c Competitive Buddhists
d Electric kettle manufacturers
4 A pound;9.4m lottery ticked went unclaimed. What could it have bought?
a An awful lot of caviar
b An awful lot of hot water bottles
c An awful lot of small, waterproof birthday presents
5 Unwanted Christmas gifts worth over pound;50m appeared on eBay. What did they include?
a Caviar dish and spoon sets
b Hot water bottles marked 'made in Sicily'
c Games based on world religions