Were you paying attention?

14th October 2005 at 01:00
1 A novelist was asked to leave a school for using rude words like "bum"

while he was addressing pupils. What do teachers think?

a The psyches of those poor pupils could be damaged forever

b Just as well it wasn't Will Self. c What a bummer. Oops. d "Good authors, too, who once knew better words". 2 There has been a reported rise in the number of pupils cheating in their GCSE coursework. What do teachers say?

a I'm devastated - I blame the parents. b I'm amazed - I taught the parents. c I'm keeping quiet - I've met the parents. d "Well, did you evah?"

3 Truants in a Welsh school are to meet Wayne Rooney as a prize for turning up. What will happen next?

a Rooney will be asked to leave as soon as he opens his mouth. b The truants won't bother to turn up. c Wayne Rooney won't bother to turn up. d The psyche of poor Wayne Rooney will be damaged forever. 4 Scientists have engineered mosquitoes with glowing testicles, which can then be neutered. What is the view from the staff room?

a You said the "T" word. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. b The psyches of those poor mosquitoes will be damaged forever. c Does it work on teenagers?

d Never give a sucker an even break. 5 George Bush claims that God told him to end the tyranny in Iraq. What do teachers say?

a God told me to neuter class 4B. b Wayne Rooney told me to neuter class 4B. c Class 4B told me to neuter Wayne Rooney. d ****** Bush. Can I go home now?

QUIZ ANSWERS: 1d 2d 3d 4d 5d

Subscribe to get access to the content on this page.

If you are already a Tes/ Tes Scotland subscriber please log in with your username or email address to get full access to our back issues, CPD library and membership plus page.

Not a subscriber? Find out more about our subscription offers.
Subscribe now
Existing subscriber?
Enter subscription number


The guide by your side – ensuring you are always up to date with the latest in education.

Get Tes magazine online and delivered to your door. Stay up to date with the latest research, teacher innovation and insight, plus classroom tips and techniques with a Tes magazine subscription.
With a Tes magazine subscription you get exclusive access to our CPD library. Including our New Teachers’ special for NQTS, Ed Tech, How to Get a Job, Trip Planner, Ed Biz Special and all Tes back issues.

Subscribe now