So... Owen Martin set fire to the bins. He doesn't know how we know he set fire to the bins. "How did you know it was me, Miss?" he whined, slumped in the corner of the head's office, rolling a bogey between thumb and forefinger with all the precision of a pastry chef.
"Er well... There was that video of you on YouTube... The one called, Me Owen Martin Setting Fire 2 Da Binz."
"And your MySpace entry 'It woz me wot set fire to the binz'."
"Plus the stuff on blogger.com and the photos on Flickr... all headed 'Me Owen Martin Blowing Up Da Binz.' So on balance, I think I'll see you in detention this Thursday?"
The head smiled. I think I'm starting to like her after all.
To celebrate nailing my nemesis, Annette from French dragged me to Piper's nightclub, "the town's premier nightspot, drinks 2-4-1, ladies free b4 10". She turned up wearing an elasticated halterneck and calf-hugging plastic knee highs, which at first I thought was a bit much. But five free Bacardi Breezers later I was revising my opinion. "Roll up your skirt and open a button!" she roared, half-heartedly twiddling an arm to "Tease Me" by Chaka Demus and Pliers. I did, and instantly earned us two free tequila slammers. "We should do this more often!" I yelled, before leaping on to the podium and showing off my robot dancing.
It was with a heavy heart and a light stomach that I hauled myself into Year 9 double English Tuesday morning to be met by a grinning Emma Paton doing some strange jerky arm movements.
"Nice moves, Miss!"
"Yeah, you can really shake that booty!"
"We checked out the pics on Miss Farmer's MySpace."
"That video of you rolling down the high street in a wheelie bin is really something else."
Spent the entire lunch break systematically deleting Annette's MySpace account, and changing my Facebook privacy settings to Fort Knox.
Hope you're doing better in sunny Kuala Lumpur. Write soon, won't you?
Love Kate x