You can barely spell it and they want you to teach it.
We've all been there. You did an evening class when you were single and trying to meet folk, the head hears about it and hey presto, it's "Can you get Year 11 through their GCSEs because Brenda's psychiatrist says she's not fit yet to return, no one else will go near them without a stun gun, and it'll be cheaper than bringing in a part-timer?"
So what do you do?
Beg, borrow and buy all the past exam papers and mark schemes. Know exactly how you and they shall be judged.
Technology, technology, technology?
Indeed. Surf the web, steal all the lesson plans, worksheets and PowerPoints that proud new teachers post up before they get bitter about how long they spend planning things and stop sharing resources like the rest of us.
I need more help.
Get the class to do it. Kids devise word searches, crosswords, quizzes, songs -whatever - and the class votes on the best. You steal their work and pass it off as your own in the future.
Is telly such a bad thing?
Not at all - videos are a legitimate resource. They can always have a worksheet to go to if you want to get all "Ofsted" about it.
GT? (not the good kind - gifted and talented pupils.) In this instance, the enemy. They know more than you, know they do and want the others to know it. Make 'em feel good, let them know that you know that they know, or alternatively, ask them to rate pupil-friendly websites and produce a presentation while you put your feet up and look knowledgeable.
Demand in-service training and timetabled support. If they don't deliver it, when results are lousy you can say, "I told you so."
Sally Morris is head of psychology at Edgbaston High School for Girls in Birmingham