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Thank God it's Friday

MONDAY I've been suffering from WPDTS (wet play and dinner time syndrome) all weekend after last week's appalling weather. It's better today, but I've made myself unpopular by introducing "indoor breaks" to try to keep the children clean. Teachers say they need fresh air to let off steam. I sympathise, but that's all.

TUESDAY I meet Liam's mother, who is convinced her son is not causing damage to our school property. When I confront her with a report from our caretaker and the confiscated hammer Liam was using to make holes in the roof, she shrugs her shoulders and offers: "That must have been when he escaped from his Nana on the way to the shop," as an excuse. I believe her when she promises to ground him, but come back to reality when Liam asks for his hammer back.

WEDNESDAY I remind two difficult children who have been picked for the rugby tournament that they only have a day to prove they can keep their temper. Joe asks if it's all right for him to lose it during the match. I walk to my office and shout out: "Beam me up, Scottie," before laughing insanely. Am I catching something?

THURSDAY Outdoor breaks are allowed today even though, despite the sunshine, the grass areas next to the playground are sticky. The rugby team excel themselves and win the local tournament. Joe keeps his temper and the teams are rewarded with sausages and chips in the clubhouse. Brilliant.

FRIDAY I show the trophy to our always cheerful cleaning staff. They're pleased, but are more concerned with the state of the corridor carpets.

"Look at all the mud. Can't you keep them in at playtimes?"

Keith Lodge is head of Fifth Avenue primary school, Kingston upon Hull

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