Half-term. Time to get in touch with the important things in life. Hence I booked myself in for a wax and facial at the Heaven Beauty Salon. It was only when I saw Sarah Bretton, the sulky goth from last year's 11B, looming over me with a jar of boiling wax that I realised it was going to be more hell than heaven.
"Um hi, Sarah ..."
"Fancy seeing you here."
"Yes, Miss." She took out a spatula and dribbled hot goo on it. "Actually it's not much of a coincidence. Beauty salons are one of the only places you can get a job with only one GCSE, see?"
"Er right ..."
She removed more hot wax from the microwave.
"You know, Sarah. About that exclusion ..."
She tore strips of waxing paper from a plastic packet. It reminded me of Sweeney Todd sharpening up for a short back and sides.
"You know I was just doing my job. I mean it was nothing personal ..."
"Of course, Miss."
"It's just joyriding ... especially the inspector's car, it's ..."
She tore a thick strip of paper from my bikini line and I let out an inhuman howl.
"It ... aaaaagh ... doesn't look right for the school's image."
"Sorry, didn't catch that." She yanked another strip off my thigh in short, horrible tugs.
"Aaaaaggh said ... it's not right for the school's image. It's - ugh."
Another strip came off, this time slowly. Right the way from my knee to my ankle.
"Sarah, you're not doing this on purpose by any chance?"
She looked shocked. "On purpose Miss? I'm just doing my job. Like you."
I closed my eyes. Next time, I'm not appearing at any exclusion meetings. I'm just killing them. It's quicker and safer for all of us.
Love Kate x.