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True confessions

I don't want to turn into the kind of teacher who... speaks to adults in the same way they talk to their most annoying Year 9 pupil. I can spot them a mile off.

It made my day when... a pupil said "Why can't your lessons be longer?" I hope it's because she's passionate about English and not that she was dreading her maths lesson.

Management don't know it, but... I let my class get away with talking about their nicknames for other teachers; I pretend not to listen. "Old Milky Breath" is the best so far.

I couldn't keep a straight face when... I tripped over and went flying across a crowded and silent exam hall. Hopefully I woke a few of them up.

I'm not looking forward to... the final deadline for GCSE coursework, which some of my Year 11s will fail to meet. All these years down the line, GCSE coursework is keeping me awake at night again. I wish the pupils worried about it as much as I do.

I'd never live it down if... people at school knew how badly behaved I was when I was at school. When teachers are on full-blown tirades about the thorn in their sides, I'm thinking "I used to be like that".

I'd really like to tell the headteacher that... it is difficult to teach English with no books.

I think photocopiers are... the social centre of this school, as they are the only place where I can talk to teachers from other subject areas.

At the beginning of the week I look forward to... the possibility that I might conquer the challenging students and the endless marking.

At the end of the week I look forward to... reacquainting myself with my daughter, my boyfriend, my sofa and my TV set, oh, and a very large glass of wine.

My friends think that... teaching is worth considering as a career change, despite my words of warning. I blame Channel 4's Teachers for perpetrating the myth that it is possible to go to the pub every night and waltz into school with no preparation.

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