a All the French and Germans already speak English

b Everything useful gets translated anyway

c The exams are so easy there’s no point taking them

d All of the above

2 Unqualified staff have been marking GCSEs. What does the board have to say?

a Qualifications are overrated

b They’re so easy anyone can mark them

c Thank goodness no-one took French or German

d ‘Edexcel is confident in the quality of the marking’

3 The number of unemployed has gone up. Why?

a You have to speak French to get a job

b You have to speak German to get a job

c The French and Germans have taken all the jobs

d Les jeunes sont work-shy und idle

4 London has won its Olympic bid. What does this mean?

a The city will be full of people running around in circles

b Some of them will be French or German

c No-one will understand a word they say

d We’ll see even more of Ken Livingstone than we do already

5 Tony Blair went on holiday to a top-secret destination. Where was it?

a Chancellor Schroder’s Schloss in Germany

b President Chirac’s chateau in France

c Cliff Richard’s house in Barbados

d If I told you I’d have to kill you

ANSWERS: 1d, 2d, 3d, 4d,5d