My wife belongs to that strange sub-species of the human race which defies any rational explanation - SQA exam markers. This is indeed a strange animal. Not only is it prepared to undertake the most mind- boggingly boring task known to the teaching profession, but it is willing to undergo a complete personality transformation in the process:

Friends and colleagues are agreed

A friendly soul she is indeed

Who does her utmost to appease

(Bends over backwards just to please!?)

A refuge to lost dogs or moggies

Who’ll cry her way through mushy movies

She helps the kids with last revisions

The gentlest of dispositions

`Til

Come exam time . transformation!

Approach with care and trepidation

Lest death you seek or ghastly seizure

Best keep well clear of . Ebeneezer!

Because, when armed with blood-red pencil

Or other “putting-down” utensil

Then out the door flies generosity

Enter grasping, mean monstrosity

Peering o’er censorious specs

(No favour giv’n to age or sex)

She dreams up methods, none too soft

For finding ways to take marks off!

So, forget “Well Done”, in sky-blue Bic

A “smiley face” or a kindly tick

No, to issue crosses is her goal

And our Mrs Meanie’s on a roll

Nerves a-twitching, nostrils flaring

Eyes expectant, glowing, staring

The pencil jerks, excited, shifty

Another one’s scored less than Fifty!

One more has buckled to her will

And failed to gain their “Higher Still”!

Yes, now her pile is one text lighter

She’s nobbled one more poor, wee blighter

A parent’s hopes, a pupil’s dream

Extinguished by her Marking Scheme

(unless they can connive and deal

And pass through some accursed appeal!)

But

Come the final marking paper

Cruella’s grip begins to taper

And soon she will revert to type

Resume the form we know and like

Emergent from this year’s psychosis

The SQA metamorphosis!!

Dave Ross, Valentine Drive, Daneston, Aberdeen.