I went to Harton Comprehensive School *slash* Technology College, as I think it was known. It had this really grand entrance, so, obviously, we weren’t allowed to use that. One-way system in the corridors, you know the drill. 

Weirdly - and get this - the guy who was deputy head when I was there, he was cool as fuck, he’s now the headmaster and he’s been knighted! Which is fucking nuts, right? He’s a Sir! Sir Ken Gibson. He’s like Gordon Ramsey in Kitchen Nightmares. He goes to these schools and completely turns them around. He got me back there a couple of years ago to present awards and do some stand-up. How perfect is that? I was at the school in which for years I was told to shut up, being asked to just talk. Sir Ken wanted me to come back another year, but oddly enough the governors weren’t so keen. 

Anyway, he’s not even the guy I want to talk about. The guy I want to talk about was Mr Lynch. He was my art teacher and he ran the school plays and drama and whatnot. He got me a comedy role in a play and it was the first time I was ever on stage making people laugh. I was Lieutenant O’Dreary, the hapless cop in Bugsy Malone. It was some kind of seminal moment for me being up there and seeing people laughing back at me. He encouraged me and my mate, John - the comedy pair in the play - to improvise and we went to town with it. You know what? I haven’t thought about that until this minute and now I’m just stood here talking about it to you and I can’t stop smiling, man. Can’t stop. 

The main reason he sticks in my mind - Mr Lynch - was that he was the first teacher I could actually have a conversation with. He would care about your opinion, treated you like a young adult. I got bored a lot and chatted a lot, and he would turn the screw if he had to, but he would encourage it too. 

Encouragement. Isn’t that what teaching’s all about? 

I remember drawing the Angel Of The North in one of his lessons, how stereotypical is that? It might as well have been the Angel Of The North, on a ship, in a mine, you know? He put this Angel Of The North on display and gave me B. Probably nowhere near worth a B, but he was all about personal growth and confidence.

I didn’t have a great time at school. There was one teacher - I won’t name him - he had curtains like Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell. He would allow the girls to chat at the front of the class and he obviously loved the attention and I’d whisper to my mate at the other side of the room and he’d be like “STOP CHATTING OVER THERE!” I’d be like: “Are you serious!? You’re basically having a cocktail party at your desk!”

But Mr Lynch was never like that, he was always really fair. 

I tell you what’s just occurred to me before I let you go - this is one of the biggest insults that I’ve ever received in my life, alright? Get this. My now wife and I had been going out for a couple of months and I’d been on tour so I had enough cash to take her to Dubai. To the Atlantis, you know that hotel? To impress her, like. And we were standing on our luxury hotel balcony, drinking Grey Goose and overlooking The Palm and we were just chatting about school and she turned to me and said: “School was the absolute best time of my life.” 

Eh? You’re at one of the best hotels in the world! Drinking Grey Goose! And it’s all on me! And you’re telling me that school was one of the best times of your life!

Chris Ramsey was talking to Tom Cullen

Born: South Shields, 1986. 

Education: Harton Comprehensive School, South Shields.

Career: Chris Ramsey is a British comedian and actor known for his Edinburgh Comedy Award-nominated stage show Offermation, as well as for his panelist appearances on the ITV2‘s Celebrity Juice.