If the thought of having a quiet word with a colleague about an issue to do with their personal hygiene makes you want to curl up into a ball of embarrassment, then middle or senior leadership might not be for you.
Because when you become a leader, that’s one of the easiest difficult conversations you might need to have with a colleague - the role requires much trickier and more sensitive discussions.
It’s an aspect of leadership that might take you by surprise when new in post. It may seem as though you will never become “good” at it. But by combining empathy with a firm grip on the professional and ethical line, you will soon be carrying out even the most cringeworthy conversation without a blush.
Getting personal
Despite most schools having a clear dress code in place for staff, you are unlikely to get very far in a leadership role without having to “have a word” with a colleague about an interesting sartorial choice.
When I became a teacher, I had to reject several favourite outfits that had been work-suitable in my previous job, but failed to pass the “reaching to the top of the board” or “leaning over a student’s work” test. It’s not prudish or repressive to spell it out: no one wants to see that at school.
How do you broach the subject when a colleague is dressed unsuitably? From the very start of the year, work to build positive relationships with your team. Then, if a colleague does come in wearing something inappropriate, quickly take them aside. Be kind, simple and direct: “I’m sure you didn’t realise, but I know I’d want someone to say if it was me - your skirt is see-through.” Or “I’m afraid shorts aren’t part of the staff dress code.” Keep your comments focused on the dress code and the classroom environment.
For problems of personal hygiene, pre-emption is the best line of defence. I raise the issue in a general sense at staff meetings early in the year and then occasionally drop in gentle reminders.
Don’t be shy. A quick “Anyone need to borrow some deodorant or mints?” before parents’ evening has got to be better than letting your staff become known as “Stinky Pete” or “Coffee-breath Beth”, just because you were too timid to raise the issue.
Addressing absence
Discussing absence is difficult. Our jobs are hugely draining - teachers become emotionally and physically run down and, ultimately, exhausted. Low sickness rates tend to indicate a happy, healthy team, so persistent absence will need exploring.
School policy will usually dictate that excessive absence will demand formal meetings. This will be a case of you following protocol and applying the same rule across the board. However, it is also a chance to offer support for the life situation that the individual is facing. In any team, you are likely to come across a range of genuine reasons for absence, for which we should never make anyone feel guilty.
Leaders have a duty to support staff in mitigating the demands of the job. They need to model a positive work-life balance by, for example, taking a lunchbreak, suggesting a drink after work or leaving school on time once a week. Yet, it’s also important to model grit, resilience and attendance. The going gets tough in this job and sometimes we have to push on through.
In my experience, the best way to strike the right balance in discussion of absence is to know your staff well as individuals.
There will always be some who soldier on with burdens they never speak of, while others - though rare in my experience - take the day off too readily.
Most teachers are highly responsible and caring. They will usually get back on track if reminded of principles, as well as their accountability to their students and classes.
If this doesn’t work, there may be more serious underlying issues that require professional help. Support your staff to get this when needed.
Child protection
The most difficult conversations you will ever have as a leader occur when you are made aware that a member of staff has put a child at risk in some way.
Although these conversations might be the most difficult emotionally, the process itself could not be simpler. In this instance, you must follow reporting procedures immediately and to the letter. As with any other disclosure, information must be recorded and passed to the designated school safeguarding lead according to your child-protection policy.
When it comes to difficult conversations, the best approach is to lay the groundwork for successful outcomes ahead of time. Model what you expect from your team, and be clear on policy and expectations. Have informal conversations throughout the year that build relationships of trust. These will make the more serious conversations easier when the time comes.
Most importantly, never put tricky discussions off. You will gain more respect for holding the line than for trying to be everyone’s friend and avoiding the issue - even if you do have to fight those blushes to begin with.
Stephanie Keenan is curriculum leader for English and literacy at Ruislip High School in London
