After three years of college interventions and area reviews, outgoing FE commissioner Sir David Collins could be excused for describing himself as a little “demob happy” as he attended what was likely to be his last official engagement before retirement.

When he addressed the Westminster Education Forum last week, Sir David’s opening speech was very much on-message, stressing the success of the area reviews process so far and the financial health of the sector.

So far, so predictable. But when it came to the subsequent Q&A session, the commissioner had no intention of holding back.

“What should be done to raise the standard of maths in schools?” he was asked. “Fine them!” he responded. “Transfer the money to FE. That would be a good headline. I am retiring in a week, I don’t care any more.”

And he didn’t finish there. On the subject of learning languages, he said: “Foreign languages? Who wants to speak French?”

On the issues of university technical colleges and career colleges, he added: “Why did they exist in the first place? I can’t tell you, because any college could run a UTC within the facilities and the activity that it does normally.

“Arguably, you have a situation where, if there is a problem in this country, we tend to look for a structural change solution and invent something new, when what is probably needed is a reconfiguration of what you’ve already got.”

But Sir David certainly saved his best answer for last. “What has been the single most important barrier you have faced in doing your job over the past two years?” the commissioner was asked.

The answer? “The personalities of odd principals and odd chairs of governors. If I had been given a very small - and I asked for it - £10,000 mafia contract, this area review process would have gone quicker and smoother.”

Sir David, for bowing out in a blaze of outspoken glory, FErret salutes you. Here’s to a happy, steering-group-free retirement.

We are family

There are plenty of firsts to look forward to at next week’s Association of Colleges (AoC) annual conference. Not least the new faces, with most members getting their first glimpse of ministers Justine Greening and Robert Halfon. But FErret is sad to report that a more familiar face is not going to be there. For the first time since the inaugural AoC conference two decades ago, the event will not be graced by the presence of the founding father of TES’ FE coverage, Ian Nash.

Ian, who set up the erstwhile FE Focus supplement, has always been a regular at the event. But he has confessed that this year he will be otherwise occupied, attending a family reunion.

While trying (and failing) to resist the urge to scream, “WHAT ABOUT YOUR REAL, FE FAMILY?” FErret would like to wish his original gaffer a pleasant few days - hopefully with not a CIF, ILR or ROATP in sight.

Share your gossip, scandal and intrigue with FErret by emailing ferret@tesglobal.com