The Teacher Voice: we all know that it matters. It makes us sound more authoritative, it allows us to enunciate clearly and it enables us to project our “teacher aura” - in the classroom and beyond. So we spend a lot of our time perfecting this teaching tool. We play with emphasis and tone. We hone the process of slowing and deepening our voices. We test this out in different situations. 

But we must be careful with our practice and fine-tuning: some contexts are more appropriate for this weapon than others. 

Unruly people in the supermarket? I say go for it. There is little difference between a supermarket at peak time and a playground at lunchbreak. In both, a well-timed “exc-use me” can work wonders. 

Has someone pushed in front of you at the tills? You wouldn’t take it from Year 10; don’t take it from Karen in Sainsbury’s.

Faced with out-of-control children running wild in the shopping aisles? You don’t need to be fighting your way through a horde of tiny beasts as you reach for your weekly bottle of sauvignon blanc. 

Sure, you may get some insolent looks, but you can probably quell them with The Look (closely related to The Voice). 

What about pushy telesales callers? They can definitely get a blast, too. I would even recommend letting your number slip to a telemarketing agency just so you can hone your skills for when Tommy in Year 8 next asks you 14 times to go to the toilet. It’s all about the emphasis: “I’ve said no. And that is my final word on the matter. Thank you.” I like to throw in an elaborate wave of the arm here - I know the telesales caller can’t see it, but God it feels good. 

However, what about people chatting in the workroom? Here, I would advise caution. In these Covid-secure times, many of us are now “hot-desking” in classrooms or staffroom spaces that are used for anything from planning and preparing feedback to lunch or a good catch up. Rolling out your Teacher Voice against a colleague, and a colleague in a workroom having a much-needed catch-up, is probably a step too far. 

Your tools of choice, here, are: sighing loudly, tutting, eye-rolling or ostentatiously placing headphones in. If they still don’t quieten down after you have deployed all that, and you feel The Voice bubbling up, squash it down. And just leave. In the words of every character in EastEnders: “It’s not worth it, mate.” 

Finally, what about your family? It’s so tempting to roll out the Teacher Voice to try to oil the wheels of home politics, but the Teacher Voice is a heady mix of correction, intimidation, enacting moral standards and a cold-call on a person’s guilt. Your family won’t take that tone from you, believe me. I’m only halfway through a heavily italicised “really?” before my husband and two children are laughing in my face. 

And so they should. Wellbeing is all about keeping work out of the home. If you use your Teacher Voice with family, you may as well start running detentions in your front room. Trust me, don’t do it. Or if you really need to be convinced, here is the same message in a Teacher Voice: “Erm, do you really want to be doing that?” 

Laura May Rowlands is head of English in a secondary school in Hampshire

This article originally appeared in the 13 November 2020 issue under the headline “Make the right choice on when to use your Teacher Voice”