There is tension in the air. Trouble is brewing. We live in dangerous times. In a remote corner of the playground, Big Donald (not his real name), is waving a very large stick around and declaring to the world that he has every intention of using it to devastating effect. Little Kim (also not his real name) is undeterred. He too is armed with a stick - albeit of smaller proportions - and is threatening to whack Big Donald in the nuts. The situation is fast getting out of hand.
Because Big Donald has anger management issues, most children go out of their way - or rather his - to avoid him. Others generally defer to his requests to borrow their footballs, twirl their fidget spinners and take their place in the dinner queue. One small group has a more symbiotic relationship with him. It’s useful to have a powerful friend, even if he does sometimes get you in a headlock and knuckle your skull.
It would be useful, in terms of promoting social cohesion, if Little Kim fitted into one of the above categories, but he doesn’t. To make matters worse - like Albert Ramsbottom, in Stanley Holloway’s famous monologue - he is the sort of boy who can’t help poking dangerous things with a stick. He has no idea that there are three things in life you should never poke: a lion, a wasps’ nest and a large person with a short fuse.
Calling Mrs Sensible
The mother of all playground battles is only avoided thanks to the quick thinking of Tamara. Realising the situation had already progressed beyond the point where her peer mediator training might help resolve it, she followed protocol to the letter and reported it to a teacher. Not just any teacher, mind you, but the one most qualified to intervene.
Mrs Sensible is vastly experienced in the art of defusing hostile situations. She has been the still centre at many a stormy playground dispute and takes no chances. She approaches with caution. She makes an assessment. She recognises that any over-authoritarian demand for an immediate ceasefire will be counter-productive. Maintaining a calm head and using her most reassuring voice, she gradually imposes her authority. Both sides stop shouting threats, put down their tree parts and contemplate her road map to peace.
Big Donald and Little Kim listen in silence as they are taught how to avoid future confrontations. They learn why it is important to adopt more grown-up negotiation techniques to resolve disputes. How it is vital to practise skills such as: “Ignoring provocative remarks”, “calming down by counting to 10” and “not using the school garden as an armoury”. After a cooling off period, the combatants grudgingly apologise, shake hands and reluctantly retire to separate areas of the playground.
The problem with Big Donald and Little Kim is that they are emotionally immature. They can’t control their feelings. They’re incapable of dealing with anger and when aroused find it difficult to exercise any form of self-restraint. It’s a good job they only have access to sticks and stones. Heaven knows what would happen if they were to get their hands on weapons of mass destruction.
Steve Eddison teaches at Arbourthorne Community Primary School in Sheffield
