Summer holidays are all about feeding the Beast

The Beast is insatiable, but Steve Eddison has enough spare paperwork to keep it fed throughout the six-week break

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Right now, Maisie doesn’t know the Beast in the corner is going to devour her. Her existence will be terminated and her identity erased. In short, she will be chewed thoroughly, swallowed entirely and excreted as unidentifiable waste matter. Maisie’s mum will meet the same fate, as will her dad, both hamsters and her cat, Missy.

The Beast is merciless and all-consuming. He was delivered by transit van shortly after 9am. Though the labelling on the box suggested he came from a South American rainforest, he is, in fact, Korean. (The labelling referred to a well-known online retailer.) Within ...

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