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23 ways elementary school teachers know that Christmas is coming...
The children are threatening to burst with excitement and you’re struggling to find 27 costumes for a nativity play. It can only be the ‘most wonderful time of the year’.
- You wake from a dream in which the senior leadership team insist that all children are marked against the new gold, frankincense and myrrh assessment scheme.
- At school, Brett, one of your ‘frankincense’ pupils, asks you when it will snow. He has asked every day since the beginning of the month.
- The trash can by your desk is overflowing with tissues from sniffing, cold-ridden children…
- …who still insist they don’t need to put their coats on at playtime...
- ... except for Brett, who is wearing gloves, a woolly hat and a scarf - in class.
- The parents ask if they are allowed to give you a bottle of wine for Christmas “because you look like you need it”.
- The principal is looking for volunteers who can make the school look “more festive” - in their own time, with no money for decorations.
- And then announces that the staff Christmas meal will be in January - when it’s cheaper.
- You update your social media status to “Humbugged”.
- You are excited to get a Christmas card from an education technology company.
- And you find that there are 13 copies of the same card pinned to the staffroom notice board.
- Your friend from college is complaining on Facebook that she has to find an angel costume for her son.
- You reply: “Try finding 15 angel costumes, 8 shepherds, a Mary, a Joseph, an innkeeper and a monkey.”
- She replies: “Typo! It’s donkey”.
- “No,” you reply. “Kelly refused to be a donkey. Our Mary is arriving with a monkey.”
- You are not sure whether to be more concerned about the Grade 4 girls’ “sexy” renditions of Santa Baby or...
- ... the First Grade boys’ “funny” version of We Three Kings.
- You set homework to ensure that your marking won’t clash with the finals of X Factor or The Apprentice.
- The deputy principal announces in assembly that there is a storm warning and school will end early because it’s going to snow.
- Brett glows with happiness - and promptly takes off his hat, gloves and scarf.
- He gives you a Christmas card. Inside he has written: “Happy Christmas to the best teacher in the world.”
- It’s the best Christmas card ever.
- And his mom gives you a large bottle of wine. You drink it.
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