- You wake from a dream in which the senior leadership team insist that all children are marked against the new gold, frankincense and myrrh assessment scheme.
- At school, Marcus, one of your ‘frankincense’ pupils, asks you when it will snow. He has asked every day since the beginning of the month.
- The bin by your desk is overflowing with tissues from sniffing, cold-ridden children…
- …who still insist they don’t need to put their coats on at playtime...
- ... except for Marcus, who is wearing gloves, a woolly hat and a scarf – in class.
- The parents ask if they are allowed to give you a bottle of wine for Christmas “because you look like you need it”.
- The headteacher is looking for volunteers who can make the school look "more festive" – in their own time, with no money for decorations.
- And then announces that the staff Christmas meal will be in January – when it’s cheaper.
- You update your social media status to “Humbugged”.
- You are excited to get a Christmas card from an education technology company.
- And you find that there are 13 copies of the same card pinned to the staffroom notice board.
- Your friend from college is complaining on Facebook that she has to find an angel costume for her son.
- You reply: “Try finding 15 angel costumes, 8 shepherds, a Mary, a Joseph, an innkeeper and a monkey."
- She replies: “Typo! It’s donkey”.
- “No,” you reply. “Gail refused to be a donkey. Our Mary is arriving with a monkey.”
- You are not sure whether to be more concerned about the Year 5 girls’ "sexy" renditions of Santa Baby or...
- ... the Year 1 boys' "funny" version of We Three Kings.
- You set homework to ensure that your marking won’t clash with the finals of X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing or The Apprentice.
- The deputy head announces in assembly that there is a storm warning and school will end early because it's going to snow.
- Marcus glows with happiness – and promptly takes off his hat, gloves and scarf.
- He gives you a Christmas card. Inside he has written: “Happy Christmas to the best teacher in the world."
- It’s the best Christmas card ever.
- And his mum gives you a large bottle of wine. You drink it.
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