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Beam us out

The latest wheeze by Captain Forsyth and trusty first lieutenant "Robbo" Robertson to launch their nursery vouchers publicity campaign in Selkirk last week appeared to backfire.

Stunned hacks were treated to a preview of the high-profile, high-cost advertising campaign with two cheery weans inside a space suit, umbilically tied to the good spaceship Scottish Office on an orbit of the earth. By now you will have seen the ad on the telly saying "Your child could go further" with the vouchers.

Sufficiently naffed off, a scribe speedily devised a caption competition. We are happy to disclose the clear winner: "Nursery vouchers - as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit."

The advertising campaign, whose cost and pre-election timing continue to raise opposition hackles, has been difficult to avoid, especially on television. But the promoters of the image of what appears to be Siamese twins in their space suit did not bargain for the placing of the accompanying posters.

Several appear on Glasgow bus shelters alongside an advertisement for "The greatest advance in contraception since the 1960s."

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