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Deep throat Tino turns septic;Jotter

DOUGLAS OSLER, the senior chief inspector, volunteered for something of a lions' den or bear pit when called up as an after-dinner speaker by the National Association of Schoolmasters Union of Women Teachers (page five).

Tino Ferri, the union's most loquacious public organ, was not deflected from his usual caustic criticism. "Douglas, isn't it marvellous to be among so many friends," he gibed, "even when they're not yours?" This was intended as a light reply to the senior chief's speech. But Ferri insisted on rechristening Osler as "Duncan".

"Duncan is my cousin," Osler interrupted. "He's a libel lawyer."

Ferri, undaunted, tore into HMI and inspections. "It's management of the busy by the bossy on behalf of the bully."

He added: "That's not meant to be offensive."

"No?" quipped Osler, raising an eyebrow.

The senior chief recalled a retired HMI who had inspected Ferri some years ago. The Airdrie English teacher was then tagged "eager and young".

This is in contrast to last year's description by Brian Wilson, the former education minister, who noted Ferri was never out of the tabloids. "I always thought his full name was 'Angry Tino Ferri'," Wilson chirped.

Osler, too, had a view on the passing of Wilson. "It's education, education, education and there's a different minister every time you say it."

But the last word should go to Ferri. He was off sick recently with a persistent sore throat and shot off to the doctor.

A quick medical inspection brought a swift verdict.

"Effin' shut up," advised the doc.

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