Meanwhile, it's nice to know that children are resolutely looking on the bright side when it comes to key stage 2 tests. At Winlaton Park Junior School in Tyne and Wear, the children practised with some mock exams, an experience described dryly as "not popular" by staff. Jonathan Brown and Jonathan Varah then put pen to paper (with best handwriting, we hope), and came up with the following:

"A recipe for the SATs. Add a heap of terrified children to a pan of boiling pressure. Add difficult but not impossible questions, with one well-qualified teacher. Add 101 worries, while kneading in a big enough classroom, with necessary tables and chairs, along with all required equipment. Stir until complete. Mixture will have changed into, hopefully, a lot of smiles!" Until it gets to the heads and governors, that is - but that's a completely different story.

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