Working in true partnership with parents to improve the behaviour of their child in school has been one of the most rewarding parts of my job over the years. I still have, however, one particularly painful memory of a time when a parent and I, despite our best efforts, couldn’t see eye-to-eye.
One Friday morning, a father brought his son in and asked to see me. We were due to have a school trip that day and he wanted Lenny to remain at school because he had behaved poorly at home. “I can’t have him rewarded for what he did last night,” said the father. “He needs to be punished.”
I disagreed. I tried to explain that we felt very strongly that things that happen at home should be dealt with at home, while things that happen at school should be dealt with at school. We’d be delighted to support him to help Lenny improve his behaviour at home, but punishing at school wasn’t an effective way of doing that. Besides, the trip was a curriculum entitlement, so he would be going.
Regrettably, I couldn’t persuade the father to see my way of thinking, and I know he left feeling unsupported.
Doubling up the sanctions
It was unusual, because this conversation usually happens the other way around. A child commits a misdemeanour at school and the temptation is to sanction at home, too. Sometimes this suggestion comes from the school in an attempt to work together to solve a problem. I have always vehemently disagreed with the double whammy of being punished at home a second time for something that happened at school.
I’ve lost count of the times a child has had something like their Xbox removed from their room in response to an incident at school. This is a behaviourist tactic and follows the logic that increasing the discomfort in some general way for a child will force them into improving their behaviour. The fact that the device and its location have nothing to do with the incident at school is neither here nor there.
“That’ll teach ’em a lesson,” always has me thinking: “What lesson are we teaching them, exactly?”
Asking parents to support us in our drive to improve behaviour is crucial. Keeping them informed about how things are progressing, meeting regularly and, if needed, talking through behaviour reports at the end of each day are all smart. Sending good news home when things get better is an easy win.
Above all, you want to send a strong message to the child that school and home are on the same side. The child needs to know, though, that that is their side; doubling up on sanctions patently fails to ensure that.
Jarlath O’Brien is director for schools at The Eden Academy. His latest book, Better Behaviour - a guide for teachers, will be published by SAGE in 2018
