Are you ready for a crashing wave of nostalgia, and the riptide of resentment that you’re not as young as you think you are?
Well, prepare. Because the ‘90s are back. And they’ve brought all the fashion mistakes you tried to forget.
It’s been rumbling for a while. The ‘80s nostalgia has been waning, and Vogue has announced that there is a Rachel Green-inspired Ralph Lauren Workwear collection launching.
So what can you expect in the next few months?
1. Kickers school shoes
These (or the knock-off version) were a staple of every student’s wardrobe. Mine were black patent. I wore them until they fell apart. They’re back and are twice the price (but then, so are Freddos…)
2. David Beckham curtains
Old school photos from the ‘90s all share one thing in common: curtains. The boys at my school wore theirs so gelled, you could tap their hair. Now, curtains are back, and they’re everywhere again.
3. Bootcut trousers
Oh, see ya later skinny trousers - bootcut is back. And with it, torn hems and soggy cotton where they’ve been trailed through puddles. After all, no one wants to be caught in jack-ups, do they?
4. Tartan
At one point, I was bringing to school my tartan (Kangol) purse, in my tartan record bag and checking the time on my tartan watch. Well, dig out those old accessories, because if you want to match pencil cases with your form, now is the time - tartan and checks are back.
5. Tiny backpacks
Nothing says “serious student” like possessing a school bag so small that it doesn’t even fit your school books. As cute as these seemed when we were at school, no one is laughing now you’ve got to mark books that are dog-eared and bent because your students are paying homage to Alicia Silverstone’s Clueless fashionista.
6. Platform trainers
On the plus side, this will make spotting students who are wearing the wrong footwear impossibly easy: they’ll be towering above the rest of the class. On the minus side, you’re probably going to notice an upturn in the number of students needing crutches because they’ve twisted an ankle.
7. Nylon bumbags
I’m not even joking. These are back. They might be more ‘80s than ‘90s but I don’t even care. The fact that people are wearing them who aren’t also clad in lycra and speeding past on a bike means that they deserve to be on this list.
But I guess their reappearance is logical. Phones are growing in size, and backpacks are getting smaller, so a bumbag makes practical sense if nothing else. Expect to be confiscating the sweets out of these in registration time soon…
8. Skateboard chic
For some, the skater look, with Vans and Converse, wallet chains and baggy hoodies, never went away. Probably because they actually were skaters.
But guys - AVRIL IS BACK! And if we just overlook those weird rumours about her being dead and having a body double, we can get truly excited about seeing the return of the pop-punk-skater look. And of course, when we spot students wearing band T-shirts, we can smugly ask “Do you even know who Nirvana are?” And they can cringe at the fact that we care.