Fantasy teacher

11th January 2002, 12:00am

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Fantasy teacher

https://www.tes.com/magazine/archive/fantasy-teacher-7
He may have had to teach the worst class in the school, but at least the star of Sixties TV sitcom Please, Sir! could switch his class on and off

That’s John Alderton, isn’t it?

Star of 34 episodes back in the 1960s, Privet Hedges did for teaching what Dr Kildare did for medicine - only whereas Kildare made doctors look sexy in a white coat, Hedges pioneered the kipper tie, tweed jacket and Hush Puppy look still popular in certain sections of the profession.

But did he turn his class on to learning?

Well, he certainly turned on young Maureen Bullock (Liz Gebhart).

What about the rest?

5C consisted of 20 extras who never spoke and four remarkably mature boys: dense Dennis, Peter the smoothie, Duffy the ringleader and loud-mouthed Frankie Abbot. Plus Sharon Eversleigh who used to bring lessons to a halt by crossing her legs. Not much learning ever went on at Fenn Street but then that’s the norm in fantasy teaching. Just as we’d rather see Dr Kildare breaking hearts than mending fractures, so audiences preferred Privet doing battle with Potter the caretaker, Price the irascible science master and Doreen the dragon-faced deputy.

But what about 5C while Hedges is playing out this staffroom sit com?

LWT’s great invention was something teachers have been looking for since the dawn of education: an off switch. Whenever they weren’t required for the storyline Maureen amp; Co simply disappeared. The rest of the time they could be brought to attention by the simple words “Settle down now 5C.”

I thought this was supposed to be the most difficult class in the school.

Not by today’s standards. The worst thing that ever happened to our Bernard was when two Mafiosi came to school and threatened to kill him in bad English. Hedges corrected their grammar and ended up giving the hoods language lessons. Disciplinary and grievance sub-committees, performance-related pay and NQT mentoring would have meant nothing to Privet Hedges.

This is my kind of fantasy!

Oh, teaching was much easier in the 1960s. There was room for eccentricity, even if it did mean that characters like Old Smith (Erik Chitty) could get away with sitting in the staffroom all day because he was too addled to teach.

Couldn’t happen now.

No. OFSTED would have closed Fenn Street years ago and Hedges would be out on his ear for allowing Maureen to catch him unchaperoned in the classroom. Mind you it’s not that much fun being Dr Kildare these days either...

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