1. The dog ate it

A byword for the feeble excuse. No one who really wanted to get away with it would think of saying this.

2. The internet wasn’t working

Fairly implausible, but seasoned with an invitation to waste time going up the garden path of IT procedure.

3. I didn’t realise we had any

Gains potency by playing mercilessly on the teacher’s self-esteem, but relies on support from the whole class.

4. Someone stole itruined itbeat me up and destroyed it

Alluding to a complicated and unhappy life outside class can induce the teacher to draw a veil over the whole business.

5. I left it in my mum’s car

Fine, until you realise that the vehicle has been towed to a pound to be crushed.

Email meabh.ritchie@tes.co.uk with suggestions for this column.