1. Spotted dick custard

If you can stifle the giggles asking for it, the sensation of currant-studded stodge makes it worthwhile.

2. Treacle sponge

Allocate the right amount of congealed treacle to each spoonful to balance out the inevitable surplus of sponge. More sugar than three Mars bars.

3. Trifle

It’s easy to tell the days when the head chef puts in too much sherry by the enthusiastic way pupils embrace the afternoon rounders game.

4. Tapioca

Almost a third of respondents in a recent survey named tapioca as their least favourite dish, closely followed by semolina. Can’t think why.

5. Pink custard

They wanted you to think it was a Heston Blumenthal-style feat of cooking mastery, when in fact it was only unset pink blancmange.

Email meabh.ritchie@tes.co.uk with suggestions for this column.