Illustration by Angela Salt

1. You last got a Valentine’s card from a mystery admirer

a. Within the past five years

b. Within the past five years... but it came from a Year 3 pupil

c. When dinosaurs prowled the primeval swamps

2. You socialise with colleagues

a. In the pub, after work, usually once a week

b. With cream cakes in the staffroom on birthdays

c. Socialise with them? They are all tucked up in their coffins for the night at 3.30pm

3. In the staffroom, you are

a. One of the crowd of newer teachers - it’s a good laugh

b. One of the crowd of more mature teachers - it’s a good laugh

c. The youngest by about a decade

4. Did any new teachers join the staff this year?

a. Yes, we’ve got quite a few

b. The senior management team hired a new suit

c. You’ve got to be joking. Everyone’s going for a gold watch

5. Do you have a life outside teaching?

a. Yes

b. No

c. You mean it’s allowed?

6. Is planning

a. Your life

b. A necessary evil but you’re getting there

c. You’ve got it down to a fine art. An hour a week, whether you need to or not

7. Your best chat-up line is

a. So how do you get vegetables the right size for your condom demos?

b. I’m afraid the copier’s out of toner again - will you help me change it?

c. Fancy a quick one down the pub after work?

8. How would you describe your dress sense?

a. Practical

b. Trusty

c. Fashionable

9. You are

a. A female primary teacher

b. A male primary teacher

c. A secondary science teacher who wears plastic safety specs

10. Your bedroom contains

a. At least five cuddly toys

b. All your planning files

c. An Ann Summers catalogue

How did you score?

1 a-10, b-5, c-1

2 a-10, b-5, c-1

3 a-10, b-5, c-1

4 a-10, b-5, c-1

5 a-10, b-5, c-1

6 a-1, b-2, c-5

7 a-10, b-1, c-5

8 a-5, b-1, c-10

9 a-MINUS 5!, b-10, c - MINUS 10!

10 a-5, b-1, c-10

WILL YOU SCORE?

Minus 1 to plus 20

Lurve comes lower on your personal agenda than the week’s planning and the cat. If you’re in a happy partnership, fine - but if not, do you need to think again? Teachers are relationship people. As they say, try to get out more.

20-50

Well, you’re interested but sometimes you’re just not going to find romance at work, especially if you’re in a happy school with low staff turnover.

Take a realistic look round the staffroom and do some planning - for your personal life. Oh, and science teachers, leave those plastic specs in the lab.

50 plus

It could all come together for you this Valentine’s Day: you’re up for it, flirty, and you’ve got a social life. So even if you don’t get a bunch of red roses or a saucy proposition, you’ll have fun anyway. Just don’t forget the planning.