A goat as a gift gets the gong

Gift-giving is a minefield of etiquette, so The TES is proud to present a handy cut-out-and-keep guide for teachers, pupils and parents struggling with end-of-year presents.

Rule one, for teachers: when recycling naff knick-nacks, make sure the car boot sale is at least five miles from school. Rule two, for pupils: forget the china kitten or the Robbie Williams CD. What teacher really wants is a goat. Honest (see page 3). (Some might prefer a bottle of wine: you will have to judge whether Sir or Miss is altruistic or alcoholic).

Rule three, for teachers contemplating a present for a colleague who has rebuffed all your advances: avoid furry handcuffs. Not only are they naff, they can get you banned from teaching ("Distress at sex toy gifts, News 8).

If you want to give a colleague a gift, give a goat.

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