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Inspired perhaps by St Valentine's Day, a girl essayist wrote: "The lovers scampered off into the woods enticed by the call of nature."

A younger pupil must aspire to being an agony aunt: "Princess Di and Prince Charles should just kiss and be friends. That's what my mum and dad do when they have an argument."

These are among another batch of "classroom clangers" collected by John Muir, primary adviser in Caithness and Sutherland. The frozen north demands heat conservation, or as a pupil put it: "Energy can be saved by insulting your loft."

Moving from environmental studies to language, how is this for a definition of poetry? "You know it is written in poetic form because even if it doesn't rhyme, every line begins with a capital letter and has a comma at the end. "

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