The most politically-correct parent - the one who threatened to remove her children if we tried to enforce uniform a couple of years ago - came to denounce the home-school agreement.

We had carefully matched the obligations of staff and parents, and put in a separate section setting out the children’s responsibilities. But where, asked PC Parent, was the section on the school’s responsibilities to the children?

She was quite right, of course. Damn. Back to the drawing board.

Newcomers to the village tend to preface their comments with: “At my children’s old school...” You can hear the muffled sound of staff teeth grinding. This year, they all wanted an incentive scheme: stars, badges, certificates.

“This needs a whole meeting to itself,” cried the head, which I interpreted as:

“It’s late and I want to go home.” Surprisingly, it appeared later that she really did want a meeting about a reward system. “But you hate the idea, you would never agree to it,” I said. “No, but I need to explain to the parents why not.”

I talked her out of the idea. Critical friend to the rescue.

Joan Dalton