"Dear Teacher, Please can you fill in the sick note for my child. My daughter was not at school on.... This was because (please ask my daughter and delete as appropriate): a) she had a sore throat b) she was sick c) she had diarrhoea d) she had toothache e) she went to the doctor's f) other reason. Yours sincerely, Mrs X."
The Diary suggests the following standard response from teachers if such labour-saving ever catches on: "Dear Parent, Please: a) bog off b) hand over your child to social services immediately, Yours sincerely, The Teacher."