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It shouldn't happen to a head ...

What would happen if headteachers were confined to their job specs? Here are 25 non-managementleadership tasks that headteachers should not routinely do:

* Remove dying rats from drains, having previously decapitated them.

* Put out "cones" on the road to ensure the swimming bus is able to park on its return at home time.

* Endorse passports.

* Six-and-a-quarter hours dinner duty per week.

* Oversee building and repair work - squabble with architects.

* Run the school kitchens.

* Supervise "Breakfast Club".

* Do playground duty.

* Sort out arguments over the school car park.

* Respond to non-mandatory questionnaires.

* Write begging letters.

* Clear snow to allow caretaker, pupils and staff access.

* Clean up vomit.

* Clean up used condoms and dog mess on Monday mornings.

* Retrieve balls from roofs and trees for tiny children.

* Change fuses.

* Change spotlights and bulbs.

* Repair miscellaneous equipment.

* Pick up litter and used hypodermic needles.

* Destroy and remove wasps nests.

* Respond politely to ludicrous parental enquiries.

* Remove unwanted sandwiches from toilet bowls.

* Hang curtains.

* Wash and repaint walls.

* Remove graffiti.

JG Twort, is headteacher of Holy Family primary school, Birmingham

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