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In love with a student

I am a lecturer who has had several opportunities of intimate relationships with students. I have not done so, because I have not returned their affection. But this has changed and the question of whether a lecturer can responsibly have a relationship with a student is very much on my mind. The student in question is a mature student, strengthening my resolve that I am doing nothing wrong. But the college has a tacit rule that such conduct is frowned upon. What should I do?

You are possibly making more of this than you need too. It sounds like a perfectly normal situation. We are not talking about an impressionable, naive 19-year-old! The college must recognise that relationships do inevitably develop, which is possibly why there is no hard-and-fast policy. I would advise you to follow your feelings - but with great tact.

Please email your problems to Don Short at

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