How times have changed. Back in the 1950s a line like “I can no longer afford this continual arson,” was considered funny. “Girls, the sports pavilion was insured. The gymnasium wasn’t!”

Come on, it has a certain black humour, even today.

But what about the fourth form’s dubious dealings with a spiv who hides all day long in the school bushes?

They’re just young entrepreneurs, selling him gin made in the chemistry lab.

Or the sixth form who serve “French Lunches” to captive school inspectors in the sports pavilion so no one reports back on St Trinian’s underachievement?

Ah. How bad are the standards then?

In the words of Miss Fritton: “I’m sure if we all pull together we can manage the odd school certifcate this year.” The only things these girls learn is betting, burglary and beating the living day lights out of each other.

But they don’t attack the teachers, do they?

No. The door to the headmistress’s office is permanently booby-trapped but she’s learned to dodge her way around that so there’s no direct violence.

There you are then. It’s all good clean fun and the staff are happy.

Well they won’t leave, certainly. But that’s mainly because most haven’t been paid in years and Rose, the scripture teacher, would be arrested and sent back to Holloway once she set foot outside the grounds.

I can’t see what the fuss is about. Miss Fritton (played by Alastair Sim) may be a bit laissez-faire and short of cash but school morale is high at and she keeps HM Inspectors happy. What if the odd building does burn down? These days we know that’s just a cry for help.

I still maintain that it’s deplorable when a head bets the school’s entire annual budget on a horse.

But this is the private sector isn’t it? They can do what they want financially. The main question is this: does St Trinian’s prepare its pupils for adult life?

Well, as Miss Fritton says: “I don’t want my girls going out unprepared into a merciless world. When our girls leave here it is the merciless world that has to be prepared.”

There you are then. St Trinian’s does them a service!

And the fact that the headteacher is a man in drag?

Oh well, not even the private sector would let you get away with that one...