New York - a schoolteacher was arrested as he attempted to board a flight in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believed the man was a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He has been charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-gebra is a problem for us,” Gonzales said. “They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.

President Bush commented: “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

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