a I could see it coming

b I am his best friend

c I am his only friend

d I don’t know which way to turn

2 A reindeer called Rudolf, owned by a part-time Danish Santa, died of a heart attack when Danish Air Force jets flew low over his farm. To what deep questions does this give rise?

a Does the Danish Air Force know which way to turn?

b Are there part-time Danish elves?

c Has that blown it for the nose?

d What is the Danish Air Force for, anyway?

3 Cardinal Ratzinger became Pope Benedict XVI. What was his first act?

a To make the previous pope a saint

b To make Rudolf a saint

c To make Torquemada a saint

d To excommunicate the Danish Air Force. Both of them

4 Civilisation as we know it is being threatened by some sick poultry. What should we be looking out for?

a Chickens with runny noses

b Pigeons that aren’t hungry

c Feathers on the pharmacy floor

d Parrots saying ‘Polly wants a doctor’

5 Whales in the North Sea are being led astray by anomalies in the Earth’s magnetic field. Who else has been led astray?

a Camilla Parker Bowles

b The Danish Air Force

c David Blunkett

d Saint Rudolf

6 We won the ashes test series. Does this mark England’s resurgence as a sporting nation?

a Yes

b No

c Maybe

d None of the above

7 The population has topped 60m. Who is to blame?

a David Blunkett

b The pope

c Not the pope

d The England cricket team

8 Labour won the general election. What else was won?

a Camilla Parker Bowles

b The ashes

c The ‘most ministerial posts lost in a year’ award

d The trophy for most reindeer killed by a Danish fighter jet

9 Andy Murray became our new tennis hero. Will he go on to win Wimbledon?

a Aye

b No

c Maybe

d Two of the above

10 Pubs can now be open for 24 hours. What will happen next?

a The end of civilisation as we know it

b Nothing much

c The population will drop below 60m

d Town centres will be terrorised by rampaging drunken part-time Danish elves

ANSWERS: 1a, 2d, 3a, 4c, 5b, 6c, 7a, 8b, 9c, 10d

ANSWERS: 1a, 2d, 3a, 4c, 5b, 6c, 7a, 8b, 9c, 10d