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Pupils say the funniest things: the 13 best

For the last three days, a crack team at TES Towers has battled away to bring you the 13 funniest stories of life at the chalkface. Using the #overheardinclass hashtag, the submissions came thick and fast.
Only now, after our high-level committee of judges has met, debated, ruminated and cogitated, can we announce the winnder of the 2013 Annual "Pupils Say The Funniest Things" Contest... 
The winner (of a shiny TES mug):
One child asking another: "How do you spell GCSE?”
And 12 honourable mentions (also winning shiny TES mugs):
A Year 11 asked in all seriousness: "Is the chicken you eat made from the sort of chickens you see on farms?"
Me: “What does Shakespeare mean by a ‘Proven Wanton’?” Pupil: "I thought that was Chinese food, is he calling her tasty?"
“Napoleon was short because of his porn nutrition.”
"He's drawn Jesus on a trampoline!"
“In the war some soldiers wore bulletproof breasts.”
"What's Obama's surname?"
"In 1845 the Irish people were dying of salvation."
Mobile Farm at primary school with turkeys. Farmhand: "Guess what these are, clue – you eat them at Christmas." Pupil: "Sprouts!"
While watching DVD of Jesus Christ superstar kid whispers to mate: “Does he die in the end?”
Me: "Put the word divided into a sentence." Pupil: "I divided into a swimming pool."


My favourite of all time: “Geldof went to Africa to shave the orphans”

Lad in my class: “Henry who ate.”
Well done everyone. Pat yourselves on the back.

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