The last days of Reginald “Pop-Eye” Scruton, the Cortina-driving head, are witnessed by diarist Adrian Mole
I TAKE it the nickname “Pop-Eye” is a tribute to Gene Hackman’s gutsy performance as Popeye Doyle in The French Connection
No. According to Adrian: “There is something about Mr Scruton that makes my mind go blank. I think it’s the way his eyes pop out when he’s in a temper. It is all right for him. All he has to do is be in charge of a school” (January 30).
But surely that can’t be too difficult when your pupils all have wuss names like Nigel, Pandora and Adrian?
Don’t you believe it. Scruton is big on suspension: Adrian and Pandora for their Non-Regulation Sock Day and Barry Kent for wearing his Hell’s Angel studs.
As Adrian notes: “Mr Scruton has added another school rule to the million others. Studs are not allowed except on the soles of sports boots. After school Pandora and her gang rush out to buy studs” (Oct 28).
But a head must lay down the law
Unfortunately poor Scruton lays down too many. He tells Adrian and Pandora:
“Keep your silly adolescent courtship rituals to outside school hours” (Jan 10) and bans Nigel’s “Gay Club”, quoting a rule that forbids using the school gym for “immoral purposes” (Jan 13).
He also suspends Adrian for writing a poem on the toilet wall (Feb 17).
How did he know it was Adrian?
“You signed it, idiot boy!” At 57, poor Scruton is getting near the end of his tether.
But his staff support him?
Not exactly. Miss Elf puts on a blasphemous nativity play, causing Scruton to have “a quiet word with her in the showers. We heard every word he shouted” (Dec 18).
Plus Ms Fossington-Gore has a breakdown on the school trip: “7.35pm coach driver begs Pandora Braithwaite to keep order, 8pm Ms Fossington-Gore drafts resignation”.
Worse still, someone draws a moustache on Scruton’s framed photo of Margaret Thatcher. “Mr Scruton got up on stage and acted like the films of Hitler. He said defiling the greatest leader this country has ever had was a crime against humanity” (Feb 18).
That’s a bit strong
Actually, the crime was committed by Miss Elf who resigns on Feb 19. Scruton himself doesn’t last much longer.
“Scruton has retired on the grounds of ill health (gone barmy),” Adrian notes on May 20. “Due to the pressures of compiling the timetable.”
Adrian Moleby (aka Mourby)
