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Sacred dung;Jotter

Grampian education committee's last meeting was a parting of sweet sorrow, graced by directors and chairmen past and present. But a special ceremony afterwards was celebratory, indeed almost jovial. The star turn was Bill Burnett, the region's staff development officer.

Burnett felt no inhibitions, tearing into a number of sacred cows such as equal opportunities policies. Anybody unfortunate enough to bear the name of Norman Hyslop, he suggested, would have to change to "Norperson Onelop".

He also delivered an extract from his staff development "bible", authorship unknown, that deserves a wider audience: In the beginning was the report And then came the assumptions.

The assumptions were without form And the report was completely without substance.

And the darkness was upon the face of the workers And they spake unto their PTs saying: "It is a crock of shit and it stinketh."

And the PTs went unto their AHTs and sayeth: "It is a pale of dung and none may abide the odour thereof."

And the AHTs went unto their depute rectors And sayeth unto them: "It is a vessel of fertiliser, and none may abide its strength."

And the depute rectors went unto their rectors and sayeth: "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."

And the rectors went unto the director And sayeth unto him: "It promoteth growth and it is very powerful."

And the director went unto the minister And sayeth unto him: "This powerful new initiative will actually promote the development And efficiency of teachers and is strongly recommended."

And the minister looked upon the report and saw that it was good.

And the report became policy

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