The 10 best maths jokes ever, as nominated by teachers and Twitter

9th October 2013 at 18:02

All day long the TES has been endeavouring to find the 10 best maths jokes of all time. As is often the case with such events, the teachers of Twitter have proved rather handy.

Using the #mathsjokes hashtag and egged on by TES's twitterati, teachers across the land inundated us with the good, the bad and the ugly of mathematics-based humour.

Only now that our high-level judging panel has met and debated the merits of each and every entry can we announce the winner of the first annual TES Award for Mathematical Humour.


The joint winners (of a TES mug) are:

Talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen for his farmer. He comes back and says ‘All 40 accounted for.’ Farmer says, ‘I’ve only got 36!’ Sheepdog replies, ‘I know, but I rounded them up.'

Two cats called '1,2,3' & 'un,deux,trois' had swim race across channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!

Followed by seven brilliant runners-up:

Hired an odd-job man to do 8 jobs for me. When I got back, he'd only done jobs 1,3,5, and 7

Have you heard about the mathematical plant? It has square roots

After careful investigation, it was found that aliens' heights were paranormally distributed

I hit someone with a scientific calculator - I used the cosh button

What kind of tree could a maths teacher climb? = Geometry

What do you get if you cross a maths teacher and a clock? Arithma-ticks!

Last night I dreamed that I was weightless! I was like, 0mg

Take a bow, everyone.


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