Friday Five: Places you don't want to bump into a student
One of the major perils of being a teacher who lives where you work is the increased possibility of bumping into your students outside school. And you can bet that if it’s going to happen, it’ll be at the most inopportune of moments. Here we outline five places you’d really rather not bump into your students.
1. Out shopping. You have a big date tonight and you need a new pair of lucky pants. You've found a nice pair with a leopard print design (naturally) but they don't have your size. Armed with the underwear, you wander over to the nearest shop assistant. As you get closer, it slowly dawns on you that the shop assistant is, in fact, Emily, the biggest gossip in Year 11. She has a smirk on her face and you know your little secret won't be a little secret for long.
2. On a date. A little peturbed by the shopping encounter, you arrive at the restaurant a few minutes late. However, you've pulled it together, successfully identified your date and the pair of you head to your candlelit table. You’re just about to order when you realise the grin on your waiter's face is a little too wide. Your heart sinks as you hear the phrase that’ll bring a swift end to this date: “Hello, miss/sir! On a date, are we?”
3. At a fast food outlet. Depressed by the fact that work has got in the way of yet another date, you order a takeaway. You’re in your pyjamas but the lure of a free side on collection is too great. You shove on your scruffiest trainers, a huge coat and a hat and head out, only to bump into another student who instantly recognises you – and the industrial quantity of Ben and Jerry's you're carrying.
4. At the gym. Concerned that rumours of you being a poorly dressed, binge-eating machine will follow you around school, you head out to the gym to work off last night’s pizza. About five minutes in, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and remember you’re not a PE teacher, just a sweaty mess, screaming along to Beyoncé at the top of your lungs. Unfortunately, you also spy in the mirror a tiny gaggle of teenagers, pointing and laughing. And possibly filming.
5. At the hospital. Having flown backwards off the treadmill in a state of exhaustion, you find yourself in A&E. Just as the doctor asks you about your loose stools, you see little Jimmy from 7E staring at you. He’s there visiting his sick granny – and he’s heard everything...You'd love to drown your sorrows at the local bar, but after a week like this the risk of bumping into one of the parents is just too high.