Soundbites

Draft personal statement from a Year 12 record of achievement: 'I am responsible, good at listening to other people, honest, organised and punchable.'

PAUL JOHNSTON, MARKET HARBOROUGH, LEICS

Five-year-old Thomas was told off for saying 'bum'. 'What am I supposed to say, then?' he asked indignantly. 'The bit between your legs and your back which has two cheeks and a gap up the middle?'

DEBBIE RAINER, BURNHAM, BUCKS

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