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I'm in charge of the Christmas grotto in my city comprehensive. While I was casting around Year 11 for a Santa, Leroy, wearing earring and tattoo, offered himself for the post. The following morning a jealous peer remarked: "Huh, I don't think Santa wears an earring." Leroy swiftly replied: "How do you know? Have you seen him?"

KAREN LAX, SHEFFIELD

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