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Overheard in a north-eastern comprehensive at the end of last term. Teacher: "Stephenson, your report's disgusting."

Pupil: "Well, you can't blame me for that because I didn't write the bugger!"


* I read a story to my Year 1 class about a puppy that had been bought on the spur of the moment and was neglected when the novelty wore off.

During the discussion which followed, I asked why it was not a good idea to give a pet for Christmas.

"Because it would be difficult to wrap," answered Emily


* The school nurse told our head he should warn any pregnant women about an epidemic in our area. Concerned for his mainly female staff, but in too much of a rush to get into assembly to give a full explanation, he wrote on the staff noticeboard: "Anyone thinking of becoming pregnant, please see the headmaster."


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