I asked my Year 7 class to find the names of three volcanoes in Italy for homework. One pupil put his hand up and replied "Etna", another said "Vesuvius", and a third said "Vulva".


* The teacher assembled a group of children around her in the parish church to discuss various points of interest relevant to KS2 history. She asked if anyone coud tell her about fonts. "They're the print on your computer, Miss" was not the ecclesiastical response she was hoping for.


* Paul, a six-year-old from London, is reading Mog's Mumps.

"So Paul, what are the mumps?" I ask. "You know," he replies, looking at me with amix of pity and scorn. "January, February, March" SEAN O'FLYNN

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