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* My Year 1 class were measuring objects from around the classroom with their rulers and recording their results as sentences in their maths books. Sam's first sentence read: "My penis 11cm."

I blinked. Then the light dawned. Sam is renowned for forgetting to leave spaces between his words.


* The deputy head asked me to get some book details. I duly supplied the author, publisher, date, price and standard book number for each. Laer that day, she came back to complain that she couldn't get through "on any of those phone numbers".


* As the nursery children were coming in from the playground, the nursery assistant and I were helping them to unzip their coats, one at a time, as they came through the door.

One child ran past me, still wearing his coat. "Are you unzipped?" I called out. "No," he replied, "I'm Christopher."


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