It’s cold out. The sofa is soft. There are fluffy slippers to be worn and hot cups of tea to be made. And yet, at some point this week, most teachers will have to heave themselves off the sofa and back into the cold-virus petri dish that is the classroom.

Still, in the spirit of the new year, teachers have been pulling up their thermals and advising TES on their resolutions for the coming year. Or for the coming week, at any rate.
 

1. Don’t murder anyone. (Because, like beginning any to-do list with “write a list”, it’s always good to start - one hopes - with a guaranteed success.)

2. Try not to make anyone cry this year (including managers).

3. Accept that you are not down with da kidz.

4. Decide to arrive at work super-early each morning. This will last until the first day of term, when you wake up in the middle of the night and realise that your alarm is about to go off.

5. “I will not lose my temper with Joshua. I will not lose my temper with Joshua. I will not...well, maybe only once a fortnight.”

6. Wash your hands regularly. Better raw skin than thinking in any real depth about where children’s hands have been.

7. Stop feeling like you deserve a mountain of chocolate simply for getting through the day.

8. Embrace the elasticated waistband.

9. And don’t overreact when you are subsequently congratulated (again) on your pregnancy.

10. Stop giving out pens. Do you have “WH Smith” printed on your forehead? No, you do not.

11. Try to be less grumpy.

12. Forget high heels. You’ve given it your best shot, but the relationship is never going to work.

13. Check you’ve hit “reply”, rather than “reply all” before you send that email.

14. Take “fax number” out of your email signature.

With thanks to Nancy Gedge, Sarah Simons, Tom Starkey and Sarah Ledger.

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